


An Unexamined Life

by PeacefulPhoenix



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Also there's some Valentine/Hancock as an aside in this story, Gen, I'm apparently the first to use that relationship tag, I've spent too much time on AO3 tags of the day, It's not the focus though, Philosophical Discussions, X6 and Nick are bros okay, about racism, and robotics!, and slavery, i'm making that a thing, oh my, robo feelings, robros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeacefulPhoenix/pseuds/PeacefulPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>X6-88 isn't human. He's been told that his whole life. The idea that he could have emotions and free-will are new concepts to him -- ones he's not quite sure how to explore. With the help of Nick Valentine, he just might have a chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The wasteland wasn’t a place to live. What little food there was could hardly be considered edible. Despite Sole’s numerous promises that she led several well established settlements, X6 still found himself living in a shack. Well, perhaps to call it a shack would be harsh. There were holes in the walls but it was a sturdy enough structure; 3 stories tall, working lights, beds for all of Sole’s traveling companions along with footlockets for each, a pool table with a complete set of pool balls, and a rather impressive comic book collection. 

Still, it was not home. It was dirty and without privacy. Living with him were super mutants and ghouls and robots -- all treated as though they were human. 

The worst part? He’d been left there.

Not 2 weeks into their travels together, Sole had left him at this god forsaken truck stop and gone, followed by some Miss Nanny bot. X6 -- the one courser Father had tasked to protect his mother -- had been abandoned. 

The first few weeks were the hardest. Everything was new and unfamiliar. All the senses in his body seemed kicked into overdrive. The polished hallways of the Institute could not have prepared him for this. As a courser, he was frequently sent on missions in the Commonwealth but he was good at his job. It was never too long before he returned home successful. This was different. He was alone this time. He had no mission to accomplish, no one awaiting his return. His housemates were very different from anyone he’d ever known. Even Sole was different than he could have anticipated. 

“You know, before you got here I was pretty sure that Danse had the monopoly on sulking but it seems you’ve put a stop to that.” The voice belonged to the Gen2 synth prototype calling himself Nick Valentine. He stood across the table from where X6 sat, pulling his thoughts once more to the real world. “He’s got a reason, of course. Rough thing, finding out you’re a synth like he did. Mind if I sit?” Valentine asked, nodding to the free chair. 

X6 nodded stiffly. He’d always had a fair bit of distaste for the decaying synth. He had been quick to denounced the Institute. Loudly. Many times. He also seemed set on destroying the body gifted to him by the scientists. Not only did he do little to protect himself -- donning only an old trench coat -- but he smoked rather constantly. As far as X6 knew, Valentine couldn’t even process the chemicals as a gen3 or a human might be able to. 

As if able to read his thoughts, Valentine grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and lit up. “Not very chatty are you. No wonder you haven’t made any friends,” he commented with a chuckle before falling silent. What smoke didn’t drift between the cracks in his skin and skeleton he blew from his lips. 

They must have sat in silence for an hour. The other people at the settlement drifted around them, some stopping to say hi or nod to Valentine. He was polite enough but started no conversations and for the most part, the two were left alone. It was nice. X6 could give him that. 

“Why do you have such contempt for the people who created you?” X6 finally asked as the sun grew closer to the horizon. It was a question he had from the moment he first heard the synth insulting the Institute. It had been hard, at first, to imagine that a synth could think such things. 

Valentine seemed amused by the question, chuckling and leaning back in his chair. “They had no love for me either. I was just an experiment. A step between a mindless machine and you. They took a broken man’s mind and put it in a mechanical body. Not a very smart idea if you ask me. Of course, I can’t remember anything about the people that made me. When I got out, my memory banks were wiped.” His golden eyes seeming to stare right into X6’s, sunglasses be damned, as though looking into his soul. “Why do you have such love for them?”

His brow furrowed and his lips pursed. Never had he met another synth like Valentine. The question had been asked of him many times, usually by synths he was returning home, but never had he actually thought about his answer. “They made me. They trained me. They will save the Commonwealth.”

“I’m not sure what history lessons they gave you there but people have tried to ‘save’ other civilizations before. Now, personally, I’m not much in the mood to be a slave.” Nick stood from the table and pushed in his chair. “Think on what they have taught you, the life you have led. Decide if you want to be their slave too.”

Without waiting for a response, Valentine left, returning to the house. Once again, X6 was alone and with far too many thoughts in his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the brevity chapters for now. These were originally written as a series of drabbles to be condensed into a single one-shot but I've decided to continue the story.

Birds twittered through the branches fanning out to provide some small amount of shade from the unrelenting sun. The sun beat down from directly above. Despite the days growing shorter, it was still hot as hell this time of day. Most people weren’t stupid enough to be out. Then again, the sun didn’t have much of an effect on Nick, and Hancock seemed to actually enjoy it and leaned back in his chair so a beam of light hit his cheek. 

Meanwhile, Nick leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table separating them. “I don’t care how much fun you think it would be, John,” he said calmly and with a smile on his lips. 

Hancock seemed unperturbed by the rejection. “It wouldn’t just be fun! We could make some money off it too.” They’d been talking for quite some time now, bouncing around from topic to topic. This was the fourth brilliant idea of the day to come from the Mayor of Goodneighbor.

“And Cait is a recovering addict. We can’t make chems here. End of discussion.” Hancock could hardly argue with that. Not that he would have had time to anyways. 

X6-88 came striding toward them in his usual brisk pace. He paused at the table, arms crossed behind his back in an altogether much too rigid manner for the setting. “I’ve thought about what you said,” he announced, addressing Nick and acting as though Hancock weren’t there at all. “I would like to hear more about it.”

Nick exchanged a glance with Hancock and nodded. “I’ll leave you two to talk,” the ghoul declared, returning the nod and standing.

As soon as he was gone, X6 took his place. He sat with his back straight, arms folded in his lap and looked straight at Nick with a gaze that never broke. It was hard to believe he’d thought about it at all. 

“So, what would you like to know,” Nick asked, settling back into his seat. 

There was a moment of silence as X6 searched for the right words. “I would like to know what I have been missing. If I am their slave as you claim, that means they have taken something from me. I need to know what it is to know if it’s an acceptable sacrifice.”

Valentine drew a breath in the form of a drawn out sigh. “Well for one, they’ve made you into a machine. Just look at how you’re sitting right now,” he said, pausing a moment as X6’s eyes flicked down to his lap and his shoulders relaxed. “No one here sees you as a person. Danse, Hancock, me -- sure. But not you. Why do you think that is?”

X6’s face remained expressionless but his body stilled. “Perhaps they’re wrong to think of you as humans. That… creature you were talking to earlier is only human in the most general sense. Not to mention that we were created. They are wrong to treat you as they do,” he stated, body relaxing once again only now that he’d finished speaking. 

“You don’t believe that.” Valentine ran his metallic hand over his face. It was quickly becoming clear that was going to be harder than he originally thought. “First of all, you’re not going to call Hancock a creature ever again. He is human. More than you or I. Second, I’m not going to do this if you keep lying to yourself like this. It’s not worth my time to help you if you do.”

Once again, X6-88 seemed unmoved by the words. That is, until Nick noticed his lower lip just barely quivering. He nodded, head jerking as he tried to keep the rest of his body still. It seemed his cool exterior was finally starting to crack.

It could be advantageous to press further. While his goal wasn’t to cause the man break down in tears it would be something, a start. So far it seemed only aggressive tactics were getting through to him but Nick was tentative to break whatever semblance of a friendly relationship they had. 

Nick’s expression softened as he once again spoke. “Our emotions and feelings are what make us human. It’s obvious you’ve been trained not to show them. I can’t imagine what they did to make you hide them so completely but here, it will be almost impossible to keep that up. Let that go and you will have made the first step towards freedom.”

There was a second until nothing happened but then X6 visibly deflated. “I don’t know how,” he admitted, eyes studying the table in front of him. 

Nick nodded, scooting forward in his chair so he could reach out and put his complete hand on X6’s shoulder. “I know. But you can learn.”


	3. Chapter 3

Several weeks had passed since the synths had begun their lessons together. At the behest of X6-88, they had remained a secret. He was not yet ready for others to see him as Nick had begun to. While he was making some progress, X6 still largely saw emotions as a weakness. It was likely no help that many of the emotions he found himself working through were rather negative ones: uncertainty, regret, pain, fear. All very unfit for a courser. 

They met at different times and places, a practice Nick felt was largely useless. Many of the other companions had already begun to pick up on their meetings, even if they were yet to figure out the purpose. Deacon was the first to notice, of course. He’d been keeping an eye on the courser for rather obvious reason. Next came Hancock, who was still rather miffed about being asked to leave Nick’s side so often. Others just sent knowing glances their way -- glances that went unnoticed by X6. 

Cigarette smoke blew through the holes in Nick’s face as he brought it down from his lips. The sun had set just an hour ago and already the cold was coming in. Nick couldn’t feel it, of course, and hadn’t been able to for several years, but instinct drove him to pull his trench coat tighter. 

X6’s jaw clenched at the sight of the cigarette. “I would appreciate if you would cease to partake in that… habit around me,” he commented, expression flat and staring straight ahead, hands clasped behind his back. “Please,” he added after a moment’s thought, meeting’s Nick’s yellow eyes. 

There was none of the discomfort in X6’s eyes as was normal when he did so. Nick matched his gaze for several more seconds before dropping the cigarette to the ground and snuffing it out beneath his shoe. “That was good. You’re making progress.” It was hard sometimes to tell. The smile that came to his lips, though, was fairly good evidence.

“I still worry, at times, that the Institute will hear of this,” he admitted quietly, eyes fixed on the grass below his feet. “That one in sunglasses is right. They’re everywhere. If they suspect that I-” He cut himself off, steps slowing to a stop. Nick stopped several steps in front of him, waiting quietly. 

X6 wrung his hands several times before continuing. “I have no intention to abandon the Institute. It is because of them that I exist -- that I am who I am. On the other hand, I’m not ignorant.” His eyes rose to meet Nick’s. “I’ve guessed the Sole Survivor’s plans. She don’t plan to take over control of the Institute; shes plans to destroy it. I suspect she’s shared these plans with you and I suspect you’ve been keeping them a secret from me.” Nick’s silence and stillness was enough of a confirmation.

“Don’t worry,” X6 said, putting up a hand. “I’ve no plans to betray you. I am beginning to realize how right you were about how they see the synths. While I still find the wasteland largely… distasteful, I am allowed to live here -- to be more than a machine. But I feel it’s my duty to warn you that they will come one day. They will hear of your plans and they will try to stop you before you have a chance to act. Father would never hurt his own blood but you?”

There was a long silence as Nick looked X6 over, taking in his determined expression and shaking hands. While his voice was even, this was clearly a far heavier topic for himself than he was making it out to be. “You think he’ll kill us. And you’re worried,” Nick stated, voice low as thought he was thinking aloud. 

“You are…” He couldn’t say it. It felt as though he was admitting to some dark secret, something dangerous. In a way, he was. If he had learned anything from his time with Nick, however, it was that refusing to say something did not make it disappear. “I consider you a friend. Father will try to kill you and I’m not sure I will be strong enough to protect you.”

Nick chuckled and pat X6 on the back with his skeletal hand. “You don’t get to be my age without learning to protect yourself. Besides, we’ve got a super mutant on our side for a reason.” They began walking again. “I think that’s enough for today. Let’s get back before anyone misses us.”


	4. Chapter 4

Wind howled outside causing the lights inside the office of the Red Rocket. It wasn’t a very bright room even when lit and how Deacon managed to see in here at all with those sunglasses on was a mystery to Nick. Deacon checked the hallway one more time before shutting the door and leaning against the wall. “I don’t trust him.”

“He says the same about you,” Nick replied with a dreary tone, metallic fingers finding familiar scratches in his face as he ran them across his face. “Pulling stuff like this certainly doesn’t help.” 

Deacon’s jaw tensed, obviously not too pleased with the reversal. “He’s Institute, Valentine. It was his job to undo all our hard work. He killed our friends and recaptured the synths we liberated!” His voice rose nearly to a shout before he remembered himself. 

The power flickered again as Valentine held up a finger. “I was never involved in any of that liberation crap. All I did was help get them settled in Diamond City.” It may have seemed a small distinction but it was an important one. Nick made it a point to never directly join any groups or factions. This provided him the most flexibility to actually help people and do his damn job.

Deacon was having none of it. “And what would have happened if you got caught? You were involved with the Railroad whether you wanted to be or not. I’ve seen that thing kill people. Actually seen it. I remember his face.” 

“He’s not a thing. I would have thought you of all people could understand that, Deacon.”

For the first time that conversation, Deacon’s whole stance seemed to relax. “Nick, that’s not fair. I didn’t mean-”

Nick cut him off, hand already on the doorknob. “You meant exactly what you said. Whether you like it or not, X6 was taught to be how he is the same as any other synth. And before you try to convince me otherwise, take some time thinking about what the Railroad would think of me.” 

The door slammed shut behind Nick, leaving Deacon alone in the room. It wasn’t like him to snap like that. Years in Diamond City, living with the face he had, offered him some form of control over outburst such as that. But this had been different. Thinking he was inhuman he could understand but X6? Sure, he was a courser and went by a number not a name but he was real. He was whole. Nick wasn’t. 

The moment he was out of the building Nick had a cigarette between his lips. As the cigarette caught, he sucked in a quick breath and let the smoke out. For a moment, his fingers toyed with the lighter, flicking it on then letting it go out again. If he held the fire up to his hand, it wouldn’t even hurt. He was hardly as human as he pretended to be. 

In less than a minute, Hancock was already jogging up to Valentine’s side. “What’s got you looking so grumpy, sunshine?” he asked, lighting up a cigarette of his own. “Talking to X6 again?” he added with a chuckle.

It earned a scowl and a death stare in return. “Deacon, actually.” 

“That bad?” He blew out a stream of smoke then shook his head. “Thought you guys got along pretty well.”

Nick chuckled and let his shoulders relax just a bit. “Seems we have some differences in opinion.” There was no reason to take his anger out on Hancock. The ghoul’d done nothing to earn it. Not really. 

The fell silent, walking together to nowhere in particular. That was something Nick had always loved about Hancock. He knew when to shut up and the silence never felt awkward. Back before Sole had come along, there hadn’t been much opportunity to see each other. Both had busy schedules and taking the time off just to visit someone had seemed a bit ridiculous. 

Eventually, though, Hancock did have something to say. “Sorry for what I said about X6. I know that you two are close.” After one last drag from the cigarette he tossed it to the ground and snuffed it out. “It’s just the Institute was ‘the man’ you know. Seemed like they controlled everything and everyone, taking whatever they wanted and shit. And now one of their henchmen is here. I know he ain't really that bad.”

“If only everyone else saw the same,” Nick lamented. 

Hancock stopped, grabbing Nick’s metal wrist to stop him too. “Look, I get it. I know you think this is important but I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. I mean, if you’re already fighting with Deacon how long before Danse takes a swing at you? How long before X6 snaps and sends the Institute here? He could seriously hurt you.” His voice was low, serious and Nick knew it was just meant as a caring gesture. 

Still… “He won’t hurt me. He’s not a monster, John.” He shook his head and sighed. “Maybe you’re right though. Maybe it isn’t safe for him here.”

“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page then,” Hancock replied with a bright smile, releasing Valentine’s wrist and instead slapping his back. They weren’t, strictly speaking, on the same page but there was no need for Hancock to know that just yet. Not until a few other things were in place first.


	5. Chapter 5

To say that Nick’s attitude had shifted would be an understatement. He had never been a particularly talkative person but he seemed even more reserved than normal. Most of his time was either spent lost in thought or with Hancock.

Most people seemed none the wiser. It was a subtle shift to most, one that could go unnoticed. Honestly, it was a surprise that Hancock didn’t seem to notice considering how much time they spent together. Perhaps he was just willfully ignorant of it. It was hard to tell. X6 88 didn’t know him well so it was all speculation really. But surely someone who knew Valentine as intimately as he assumed the ghoul did, would notice. 

X6’s line of sight was cut off abruptly as someone sat before him. The one with the sunglasses. Deacon. “So, what’s the plan?” he asked cheerfully, chair turned backwards and arms resting folded on the back of it. 

There was a subtle shift in X6’s posture, lips pursing and shoulders squaring off. If Deacon noticed, he gave no indication, bright smile remaining in place. “I’m afraid you’ll have to fill me in on what you mean,” he replied evenly. 

“I’m really diggin the sunglasses, by the way,” Deacon carried on, as if the courser had said nothing. “Nothing like a good pair of shades, am I right?” He pushed his own up the bridge of his nose as he said it, despite no evidence that they were sliding down. 

It was moments like these that X6-88 was very grateful for the relative privacy the sunglasses offered. He had a chance to inspect the man sitting across from him. Perhaps he’d be able to see some sign of weakness, glean some sense of a motive. He couldn’t read anything. It was impossible to say even if Deacon’s smile was genuine though X6 assumed not. Damn those shades.

Deacon shook his body in an exaggerated shiver. “Oo, silent treatment, I see.” In an instant the whole atmosphere of the conversation seemed to shift to something more dangerous, more chilling. 

The smile dropped from Deacon’s face and his back straightened. “Can the Institute see through those eyes? Is that why you wear the glasses? Don’t want people to see what you are maybe. But I know. I know you’re dangerous, even if Nick refuses to acknowledge that.”

“No. He doesn’t need a reminder of that. Perhaps you do, though. If you knew how dangerous I could be, you wouldn’t have spoken to me like that.” The silence dragged on, each waiting for the other to act first. “Unless you truly would like a demonstration, I suggest you leave now,” X6 stated, pulling his gun from its holster and laying it on the table, finger on the trigger. A threat understandable by anyone, no matter their level of intelligence. 

Without wasting too much more time, Deacon stood gracefully from his chair, spinning it around as to tuck it in again and wandering away. He whistled a happy tune and stuck his hands in his pockets. Suddenly feeling quite uneasy X6 tucked his gun away again. It felt as though he’d just lost that conversation somehow but he couldn’t quite grasp in what way. 

Nick caught his eye and the two stood almost in unison. Without waiting to confirm that he was being followed, X6 turned and headed for a patch of trees just across the road. After a few moments explanation and a quick kiss for Hancock, Nick joined him.

“What did you talk about? Did he threaten you?” Valentine asked as soon as it was clear they were alone. Neither bothered hiding that they were talking now. Most times they might but, well, it felt as though something had shifted. 

X6 shook his head slowly. “Not outright. It does seem that he’s planning something.”

It was the pacing that worried X6-88 the most. Never before had he seen Nick pacing. “Shit. I was hoping I had more time…” He pulled the hat from his head and ran his skeletal fingers over the cracking skin. “John’s gonna kill me.”

“I don’t believe that he would,” X6-88 interrupted, eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “It seems as though he is quite in love with you.”

Nick chuckled a dry, cold laugh and shook his head. “Very. But after this, we’ll see.” When the courser continued to look quite confused, Nick explained. “We need to leave. Tonight. It’s not safe for you here anymore.”

“That may be true but why would you leave?” His lips pulled into a frown and he pulled off his shades and rubbing his eyes. “You owe me nothing.” He let his arms drop to his sides

If Nick was thrown off by the icey blue color of X6’s eyes he didn’t show it. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

“Then we meet back here tonight,” X6 replied evenly. His mind ran wild with all the things wrong with this plan. The fact that there wasn’t one for instance. The fact that this seemed a mere temporary fix. The fact nearly everyone in the Commonwealth hated the Institute and the coursers. 

There was no way this could go well.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make my life so if you liked it, you'd be the real MVP to leave one or both!


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